Domestic Violence Awareness Month

Domestic Violence Awareness Month evolved from the first Day of Unity observed in October, 1981 by the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. The intent was to connect battered women’s advocates across the nation who were working to end violence against women and their children. The Day of Unity soon became a special week when a range of activities were conducted at the local, state, and national levels.

These activities were as varied and diverse as the program sponsors but had common themes: mourning those who have died because of domestic violence, celebrating those who have survived, and connecting those who work to end violence.

In October 1987, the first Domestic Violence Awareness Month was observed. That same year the first national toll-free hotline was begun. In 1989 the first Domestic Violence Awareness Month Commemorative Legislation was passed by the U.S. Congress. Such legislation has passed every year since with NCADV providing key leadership in this effort.

In October 1994 NCADV, in conjunction with Ms. Magazine, created the "Remember My Name" project, a national registry to increase public awareness of domestic violence deaths. Since then, NCADV has been collecting information on women who have been killed by an intimate partner and produces a poster each October for Domestic Violence Awareness Month, listing the names of those documented in that year.

The Day of Unity is celebrated the first Monday in October. NCADV hopes that events in communities and regions across the fifty states will culminate in a powerful statement celebrating the strength of battered women and their children.

Myths and facts about child abuse and neglect

MYTH #1: It's only abuse if it's violent. 


 Fact: Physical abuse is just one type of child abuse. Neglect and emotional abuse can be just as damaging, and since they are more subtle, others are less likely to intervene. 




 MYTH #2: Only bad people abuse their children. 




 Fact: While it's easy to say that only "bad people" abuse their children, it's not always so black and white. Not all abusers are intentionally harming their children. Many have been victims of abuse themselves, and don’t know any other way to parent. Others may be struggling with mental health issues or a substance abuse problem 






 MYTH #3: Child abuse doesn't happen in “good” families.  




Fact: Child abuse doesn't only happen in poor families or bad neighborhoods. It crosses all racial, economic, and cultural lines. Sometimes, families who seem to have it all from the outside are hiding a different story behind closed doors.  






  MYTH #4: Most child abusers are strangers. 





 Fact: While abuse by strangers does happen, most abusers are family members or others close to the family. 






MYTH #5: Abused children always grow up to be abusers. 






 Fact: It is true that abused children are more likely to repeat the cycle as adults, unconsciously repeating what they experienced as children. On the other hand, many adult survivors of child abuse have a strong motivation to protect their children against what they went through and become excellent parents. 








  

Child Abuse and Neglect

Child abuse is more than bruises and broken bones. While physical abuse might be the most visible, other types of abuse, such as emotional abuse and neglect, also leave deep, lasting scars. The earlier abused children get help, the greater chance they have to heal and break the cycle—rather than perpetuating it. By learning about common signs of abuse and what you can do to intervene, you can make a huge difference in a child’s life.  






 Child abuse is more than bruises or broken bones. While physical abuse is shocking due to the scars it leaves, not all child abuse is as obvious. Ignoring children’s needs, putting them in unsupervised, dangerous situations, or making a child feel worthless or stupid are also child abuse. Regardless of the type of child abuse, the result is serious emotional harm. 

From Victim-To-Survivor

Yes, you are a victim of sexual abuse., but a victim stays in a victim role and never moves further and changes any behaviors that might change the outcome of the feelings that you are suffering from.

You can't change what happened to you..but you CAN change how you will react to it and how you want your life to be from this day forward! 

Once you make the decision to recover, you have the power to change your life!!

Your abuser does not have to win! You can take back your power and move on and not stay stuck where you are! 

 One of the most difficult for me and one of the most powerful emotions is ANGER.

They can No longer hurt me

Blood boiled in every vain,
Like a flicker in every flame.
Tears streaming from my eyes,
Cause my life is built on lies.
Over powered by my fears,
So I kept quiet for many years.
The secrets tore me up inside.
With a twisted mind and arms atied
They took their turns,
So I buried the burns.
I grew up thinking it was my fault.
My fault for every rape, and every assault.
Those dark memories still haunt my brain,
And still I feel I'm the one to blame.
Every night I lie awake,
Wondering how much I can take.
If only someone would have listened,
To the screams and to the pleads.
Maybe I could have ended it all,
And still be able to stand tall.
But enough's enough.
Tonight I will stay tough
And maybe for once they will see
That they can no longer hurt me.

Myths and Realities about Sexual Assault

Myth: The survivor must have 'asked for it' by the way they dressed or acted
Reality: Blaming the survivor is used as a tool to rationalize why such a horrific crime happened.  No person should be sexually assaulted because of how they walk, dress, or act. 



 Myth: Nice girls don't get sexually assaulted - she must have secretly wanted it
Reality: No one wants to be sexually assaulted; it is not enjoyed, expected, or 'asked for.'  It is a crime of violence, degradation, and humiliation resulting from the perpetrator's disregard and lack of concern for the personal sanctity and wishes of another.

Myth: Only young, beautiful women are sexually assaulted
Reality: Sexual assault can happen to babies, the elderly, and people in every age group in between.  Men are also sexually assaulted.  Vulnerability, or perceived vulnerability, not physical appearance, is the major factor in sexual assault.  Sexual assault cuts across lines of race, sex, class, age, sexual orientation, and background.

 Myth: It's only rape if the survivor puts up a fight and resists

Reality: Just because a person did not physically put up a fight, does not mean that s/he consented to sexual activity.  There are many reasons why a survivor may not put up a fight to resist their attacker.  They may feel that fighting or resisting will make their attacker angry, resulting in more severe injury.  They may not fight or resist as a coping mechanism for dealing with the trauma or because they are not physically able to do so due to injury, intoxication, or disability.  

Myth: All survivors of sexual assault will report the crime immediately to the police.  If they do not, they're lying.
Reality: There are many reasons why a sexual assault survivor may not report the assault to the police.  It is not easy to talk about being sexually assaulted for many people.  Other reasons for not immediately reporting or not reporting at all may include: fear of retaliation by the offender, fear of not being believed, fear of being blamed for the assault, fear of being "revictimized" if the case goes through the criminal justice system, belief that the offender will not be held accountable, wanting to forget the assault ever happened, not realizing that what happened was sexual assault, shame, and/or shock.  Because a person chooses not to report at all or does not report immediately, does not mean the assault never occurred.

Myth: If a person goes to his or her date's room in a house or goes to the bar, he or she assumes the risk of sexual assault.
Reality: This "assumption of risk" wrongfully places the responsibility of the offender's actions with the victim.  Even if a person went voluntarily to someone's residence or room and consented to engage in some sexual activity, it does not serve as a blanket consent for all sexual activity.  Explicit consent should be given for every stage of sexual activity.

Myth: If she was drinking, it was her fault she got raped
Reality: Alcohol is often used to blame the survivor while simultaneously it is used to excuse the perpetrator.  This reasoning is masked behind our cultural expectations for women and men in terms of sexuality; women are expected to be the gatekeepers, while men are expected to be the aggressors.  Hence, there is an assumption that she shouldn't have made herself vulnerable, and he was only doing what was natural in that out-of-control drunkenness.  Responsibility for the rape is wrongly displaced from the perpetrator to the victim in this way. If a person is drunk, they are incapable of giving consent.

Myth: The primary motive for sexual assault is sexual
Reality: Sexual assault is an act of power, humiliation, and violence that is achieved through act of forcible sex.

 Myth: Rape is an impulsive act; rapists are motivated by an uncontrollable sexual desire

Reality: Eighty to ninety percent of all rapes are pre-planned.  Both the place and the victim are usually decided on beforehand.  Rape is not a crime about sex, but rather a violent crime about power and control.  The rapist's primary goal is not sexual satisfaction, but to control, hurt, and humiliate the survivor.

 

 

 

Aftermath of Sexual Assault

In the immediate aftermath of a sexual assault, the most important thing is for the victim to get to a safe place. Whether it be the victim’s home, a friend’s home or with a family member, immediate safety is what matters most.

When a feeling of safety has been achieved, it is vital for the victim to receive medical attention, regardless of his or her decision to report the crime to the police. For the victim’s health and self-protection, it is important to be checked and treated for possible injuries, even if none are visible.

This includes testing for HIV and other sexually transmitted infections (STIs), as well as receiving preventative treatments that may be available, depending upon the local response and resources. For instance, medications to prevent STIs and pregnancy and protect against HIV transmission may be offered.¹

In addition to receiving medical attention, victims are encouraged to receive a forensic examination. This exam is important because preserving DNA evidence can be key to identifying the perpetrator in a sexual assault case, especially those in which the offender is a stranger. DNA evidence is an integral part of a law enforcement investigation that can build a strong case to show that a sexual assault occurred and to show that the defendant is the source of biological material left on the victim’s body. Victims have the right to accept or decline any or all parts of the exam, however, it is important to remember that critical evidence may be missed if not collected or analyzed. 

Effects Of Sexual Assault.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder- years a traumatic event, it is typical to have feelings of anxiety, stress, or fear, making it difficult to adjust or cope for some time afterwards. In particular, survivors of sexual violence may experience severe feelings of anxiety, stress, or fear, known as Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). While it is natural to have some of these symptoms after a traumatic event, if they last more than a few weeks and become an ongoing problem, it might be PTSD. If left untreated, the symptoms of PTSD can grow worse and last for months or even years. 

Depression - There are many emotional and psychological reactions that victims of rape and sexual assault can experience. One of the most common of these is depression.

The term "depression" can be confusing since many of the symptoms are experienced by people as normal reactions to events in their life. At some point or another during one's life, everyone feels sad or "blue." This also means that recognizing depression can be difficult since the symptoms can easily be attributed to other causes. These feelings are perfectly normal, especially during difficult times.

Depression becomes something more than just normal feelings of sadness when the symptoms last for more than two weeks. Therefore, if you experience five or more of the symptoms of depression over the course of two weeks you should consider talking to your doctor about what you are experiencing.

Statistics of Sexual assault.

There is an average of 207,754 victims (age 12 or older) of rape and sexual assault each year.¹

Every 2 minutes, someone in the U.S. is sexually assaulted.

Here's the math. According to the U.S. Department of Justice's National Crime Victimization Survey --there is an average of 207,754 victims (age 12 or older) of rape and sexual assault each year.

There are 525,600 minutes in a non-leap year. That makes 31,536,000 seconds/year. So, 31,536,000 divided by 207,754 comes out to 1 sexual assault every 152 seconds, or about 1 every 2 minutes.

A Rape Survivor, Not a Victim

Rape and sexual abuse (and abuse of any kind) is a MAJOR life event. It isn't something that On the other hand, it isn't something that has to define the rest of your life, it doesn't have to be a pit that you fall in with no way out. It is possible to no longer be a victim, but to be a survivor. You CAN thrive after abuse.

To be blunt, abuse SUCKS! That thought should be obvious but it needs to be stated. Having to deal with abuse is awful, it something that no one should ever have to deal with, but all too many of us do. 


You may be wondering how to move on. You may read this and think that it is impossible to smile again, to laugh, and that living joyfully after all that you experienced is just a joke. You are grieving for what happened, and that is natural, and good. Grief is a part of healing. So is anger- anger at your abuser, anger at yourself, anger at the world.


Let yourself grieve, let yourself be angry, be honest about how you feel. Most importantly find someone to talk with. 




The light at the end of the tunnel is joy, it is peace, it is being able laugh again, to smile, to have an amazing life. You just have to take one step right now, just one small step. Be honest about what happened and chose to deal with it. Say to yourself, "This happened to me. It sucks, life sucks right now, the outlook is bleak. Life can change though, I chose to work to get better. I chose to survive."

Types Of sexual Assaults.

Rape- Rape victims may be forced through threats or physical means. In about 8 out of 10 rapes, no weapon is used other than physical force. Anyone may be a victim of rape: women, men or children, straight or gay.






Acquaintance Rape -  Acquaintance assault involves coercive sexual activities that occur against a person's will by means of force, violence, duress, or fear of bodily injury. These sexual activities are imposed upon them by someone they know.

Child Sexual Abuse - Sexual violence of children often includes incest as a subset of this form of sexual violence. While there is a substantial amount of overlap in the two types of violence, for the purposes of this website we have separated them in recognition of the different needs that victims of each type of violence may have.

Child Abuse- Child abuse takes place when a child is harmed by someone else physically, psychologically, or by acts of neglect.

Dating and Domestic Violence - Dating and domestic violence occurs in all socio-economic, educational, racial, and age groups. The issues of power and control are at the heart of family violence.

 

 

What Is Sexual Assault.

Sexual assault is an assault of a sexual nature on another person, or any sexual act committed without consent. Although sexual assaults most frequently are by a man on a woman, it may involve any combination of two or more men, women and children.